Living Dreams: Jenny McGee

This section is called Living Dreams. So often I meet people that I'm intrigued by. Just by speaking with them (or in this case following them), I think, "You're living your life, not anyone else's. The one you're supposed to be living." I'd like to introduce you to some of these most wonderful people, too. It may be their philosophy on life, their love, their passion. You don't have to agree with or like everything that everyone says. The point of this is not to reaffirm everything we already believe but instead challenge us to new heights. Hopefully, we engage an open heart where people are free to be different and not a threat, thus shaping us into more loving people.

So I'm serious, people. No rude and mean comments; I will delete them. Show each of our guests all of the respect. You can still walk away with your beliefs in tact; no one is asking you to throw them away--only asking you to listen with love.

For this week's interview, I talked with an artist who makes breathtaking artwork, Jenny McGee. Jenny's art started showing up in different places, and I was always drawn to it. It isn't just her beautiful artwork, although that is a pretty good reflection of her beautiful soul; it is also her heart for people and her connection to this beautiful life. She shares these beautiful parts of her on her blog. It won't take you long to understand why I feel Jenny is somebody we can all grow from hearing speak. 

Keely: So hello. I always like to start with the same question, interpret it however you like: What do you love? 

Jenny: Hi, Keely! I love experimenting. I love learning over and over that failure is not the end, it is only part of the learning process. I love moments when I can trust myself enough to let go of control. These moments come in spurts, I'm not always good at letting go but I'm finding life is so much more exciting when you can be okay with living with flexible expectations and not having to have all your ducks in a row. I do have my moments of wanting predictability and security. However, as an artist, much of my life and work revolve around faith and instinct and trusting in something great than myself. 

I love discovering new dimensions and aspects of my understanding of God, self, and others. I believe we are dynamic rather than static beings, constantly growing, changing, and evolving. Lately, I love falling in love with the unknown and trying to love my un-structured-ness, sometimes waking up sometimes not having a plan and being open to seeing how my day and work unfolds.

Lately, I have also loved gardening, getting my hands dirty and connecting with the earth and the tiny little seeds that could become something beautiful or edible. 

I love watching my family grow, witnessing my kids develop into curious and thoughtful individuals, and enduring the glorious triumphs and challenges of an evolving relationship with my husband. I love what marriage and motherhood has taught me these past 16 years. Gosh, there is so much to love and appreciate about my life. Thanks for this question, it put me in a really great mood. 

Keely: What a beautiful and evoking answer. Can you talk about the overlap of faith and instinct in your work and in your day-to-day living? I believe that everything we do is a spiritual act, but it sounds like you get such an inviting taste of that in your artwork. I would love to hear how, for you, that interchanges in painting to jewelry-making to driving your car to being a wife and mother to shopping for groceries to gardening, etc. 

Jenny: Well, that feels like such a big question that I don't exactly know how to answer, but I'll just start writing the first thoughts that come to my head. 

I have this overwhelming feeling whenever I think about my life sometimes and the many experiences I have had where my faith and instinct took over the driver's seat. My faith and instinct experiences feel like my brain is riding in a U-Haul, tagging along. It isn't fully able to understand where we are headed until I've arrived at my destination. Here is one story to illustrate: 

Dave, Jon (age 3), Emma (age 1), and I were living in the rural mountains of El Salvador around the year 2009. We decided to throw on our backpacks and take a day hike up a corn-covered mountain. Camilo, our Salvadoran friend, was our guide to take us to the top of a mountain where a forrest of pine trees (a rarity to see in El Salvador) would greet us. 

Step by step, we inched forward and the terrain got steeper and steeper. It was common to see farmer with sharp soccer cleats on the steep hill as they whacked the corn. 

We carried our kids on our back for hours in the hot, sweaty sun. I was breathing very hard and looked at Dave. He looked back at me and said, "Small steps breathe well." The words comforted me, and I liked the cadence, so I meditated on that mantra as step by step I pushed the sweat out of my body.

When I caught up to Dave and baby Jon, I suddenly fell to my knees. Exhausted and unexpectedly panicked, I couldn't hold back the tears in my eyes. For years, my brain has carried the heavy baggage of growing up as a competitive athlete, adopting a lie that my worth and lovability is based on my performance. I shouted out, "I can't keep up with you anymore! Will you still love me if I'm weak?" I had no idea that these words would come out, but I knew that I felt deep emotions stirring in my heart. 

It was like a tsunami of emotion crashed over me, and I couldn't help but respond to the blow. So I fell forward. I realize I have struggled my whole life with physically proving myself and self-worth. Swimming for the glory of winning races and pushing myself to my mental and physical limits to prove I was strong enough, tough enough, creative enough. Enough. 

God was speaking boldly to me in this moment. He was speaking that my worth and lovability is not measured by what I do or how well I perform. God knew the most tangible instrument of His lesson was my husband, a hardcore rock climber, surfer, downhill skier--what I classify as a major stud. I mean, we met at a rock climbing gym, and he commented on my lats. I had good ones, swimmer lats. And I dug in when he'd comment on my muscles as I cruised up the campus board showing off my skills. We had that instant attraction thing and loved adventure.

I needed to share that with you because as much as our relationship was based on an accepting, embracing kind of love, it was also very physical. I love him as a lover and as an activity partner. So on that hike, on that mountain, he said back to me, "Of course, I will still love you. Don't be silly. I've committed to the evolving Jenny, not just the Jenny I married 6 years ago. We are dynamic, not static. Now come come on, we are almost to the top." I felt such a deep love from his response, a love that foreshadowed one of the hardest times in my life--where my spirit would be challenged and my mind and physical body would be my weakness, not my strength. 3 days after our hike I was diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer. Small steps breathe well. 

Well, here I am, 7 years later, healthy and loving life. I believe God is teaching me on a daily basis that I don't need the words, I don't need the art, I don't need the perfectly behaved kids, I don't need the logical plan, retirement plan, or portfolio of experience to feel deep, deep joy, receive and be worthy of acceptance and love. 

I feel if the intention of what we do is birthed out of love, then the fear of failure would be limited or not even present. If our intention behind our actions is to prove ourselves worthy, to prove ourselves perfect, or to prove that we are better than the other, then fear of falling down will eventually override the joy and pleasure of what we do. 

I like to ask the questions: What might I be doing in life that is not birthed out of the intention of love or self-improvement? What are you doing in your life that is centered around proving your self-worth to another in order to feel better? What are you involved in/Who do you choose to surround yourself with that keeps you fearful of failure and growth? And what aspect of your faith can you shift today that would allow yourself the freedom to fail and give others the liberty and grace to fail, then grow around you? 

Keely, I would agree with you: everything we do is a spiritual act. Again, I'm glad you asked that question. 

Keely: Wow. What an incredibly moving story. Thank you so much for sharing that. What a necessary affirmation to hear right before such a vulnerable journey. Beautiful humans, the two of you. The truth is this: The amount of strength it took to be that vulnerable with another human is one of the strongest and bravest acts of all. Sharing that story with us makes all of us more brave, so again, thank you! And yes! I believe the place that intention is birthed from is vitally important. You, my friend, have a beautiful soul. "Small steps breathe well"--words to live by. 

So your artwork is stunning. I have a very specific question about it. Could you talk a little bit about the color blue...your color blue. The way it shows up in your work moves me in an incredibly deep and powerful way. Is there something underneath that you could share? 

Jenny: Thank you, Keely, for your kind thoughts!

I think that is wonderful that the blues resonate with you deeply. For me, blue has been that special color that brings me peace and flows out of me the easiest. If I could guess one early connection, it would be because I spent age 12 to 21 in the water four hours a day training as a swimmer. 

In art history, the color blue was alluring and elusive. Painters worked diligently to mix the vivid and complex color. Like our lives, some of the most complex and beautiful emotions are hardest to express. It's my belief that love is worth preserving and expressing in vivid color. It's my life's passion to express and help others express these more complex emotions and beautiful moments.  

Keely: I'm so grateful that you've shared your heart with me in such a bold and vulnerable way. 

I have one last question that I think you've already started to answer: What are you here to do? I'm not interested in the universal you as much as I am about your personal mission that you've plunged into while here. 

Jenny: It's been my pleasure to answer your questions!

I think we all have many purposes given to us in life. I used to think we all had a singular "mission" or purpose to discover, and I got all caught up in trying to discover what mine was. Now I think we are given many "missions" or purposes, and they change and evolve through time as we do. When the passion to continue forward with the old mission was no longer there, I think it was important for me to realize my purpose or mission was not my "identity." 

Right now, as I look back on the survival through my sickness, I realize that part of my survival was to express my emotions and create art. I created artwork so that I could have an outlet to realize ALL emotions, good and scary. Because of that, I discovered that I could help other people express their emotions, ambitions, and goals through art, too. I began dedicating a lot of my work to help others express love, feel more positivity, play and feel empowered through art and expression. 

Keely: All of your answers make me want to cheer! It's just beautiful. 

Before we go, could you share a little bit about your work--your artwork, Express and Heal, and really just anything else you want to share about that we didn't make it to this conversation?

Jenny: Sure. Currently, I paint most abstract images on canvas, bracelets, and necklaces. Abstract expressionism lends itself to abundant freedom and helps me focus on the moment. If you were to see my paintings up close, you would see bumpy textures and layers of color, a soy-based resin glosses the surface and crushed stones like pearls, turquoise, and amethyst are sprinkled throughout. 

If the piece is a custom painting for a client, I will ask them three to four things that they love about themselves or another. The clients expressions will be written and hidden in the painting. Last year, it was a fun surprise to have one of my paintings and bracelets featured on House Hunters HGTV! 

I did not always have the guts to paint abstract. In the past, from 2009-2012, trees were a big theme in my work, and I created hundreds of paintings using all eco-friendly and natural materials. Trees were an important symbol in my work then because I felt like they were a symbol of inner strength as well as strength within community. I was inspired by the quote from Brother Lawrence, "The secret to the life of a tree is that it remains rooted in something deeper than itself." Most of these have sold. In one phase during this same time, I also exhibited a series of realistic self-portraits in New York City based on my evolving body image and changes I have experienced post-cancer. These were pretty raw, but I felt like I needed to personally express the pain, love, and process of changing body. All of these paintings have sold but one. I hold onto that one for my personal collection. 

If someone were to be interested in contacting me or has a purchase inquiry, they could find me on my website http://www.artistjennymcgee.com, Brandon Jacobs Gallery in Kansas City, or World Trade Gallery in New York City. And always feel free to stop by and say hi on my Instagram account: artistjennymcgee. 

Keely: Thank you so much! I'm just so honored that you were willing to share your heart with me in that way. Thank you! Thank you!

I am so honored that I was able to speak with this beautiful person. For only ever speaking on social media, she shared more than I anticipated. I feel like my heart has expanded by hearing from her. Send her lots of love for doing that for us. You can scroll through a few of her pieces below. 

x Keely